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Friday, May 26, 2006
Illustration Friday "CAKE"
Here is my submission for this week's theme at Illustration Friday of "cake". This piece was created digitally for a client a couple months ago. Possibly for a clutch or handbag?

tea party
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Cut Off
I am having a terribly hard time getting motivated today. And even though I have a coffee maker who loves me enough to brew my coffee "strong" and at exactly 8 am and also beeps when it's ready for a nice warm cuppa java . . . It also cuts me off exactly two hours later with the same little happy BEEEEEEEEPPPPP that once let me know that "coffee is now being served in the main kitchen area". Two hours ago. People. I will not be cut off by a perky (heh) little automated machine. I will not be told when I've had enough caffeine, because obviously I have not. I could inject caffeine into my veins, and it still wouldn't be enough. Juan Valdez could be hand-feeding me coffee beans straight from the pods, and it still wouldn't be enough caffeine. Does anybody have any extra crack laying around? Because seriously. I slept so poorly last night due to the anxiety from plethera of crap that needs to be done RIGHT NOW. And guess what? Blog entry is not one of them. Suckity.

And it's raining. I am happy it is raining for two reasons and one of them is admittedly really stupid and doesn't make sense to anybody but myself. Reason number one: Horses. Rain makes grass grow so that I don't have to buy overpriced hay. Yay. Two: Jen is coming next week. Weekend? (Must remember to check date.) And that means if it rains now, Mother Nature will have completely purged the rain from her system- Like a good cry or healthy bowel movement. See? Do you see how mentally challenged my thought process is? I just really don't want it to rain when Jen comes up because that would blow (and thus scare her away from moving up here.) So get it all out Mother Nature! Purge yourself now! Mamma needs grass. (Yes, I am aware of how that last sentence sounds. Heh. I'm sleep-deprived and slap happy.)

And I have to work with power tools today. I have to use the chop saw to finish the base molding in the master bedroom. I hate power tools. They scare the beejeezus out of me. They're all loud and stuff. Plus, they can chop off fingers. Or toes! Power tools are dangerous!

And I need a shower. This means I must get up and like walk to the bathroom. Which is probably 8 feet away from where I sit. But am oh so tired. Damn coffee maker cut me off. CUT ME OFF.

Must send out print orders. Must buy dog food. Must go to school concert tonight. Must paint stairs. Must call Ramona back. Must call Liz, Kami, and Donna to wish them a happy birthday. Must remember . . . Screw it. I'm going back to bed.
Friday, May 19, 2006
Illustration Friday "SORRY"
This week's theme at Illustration Friday is "Sorry". I can do sorry like nobody's business . . . Having a perpetually guilty conscience and all.


PS Apparently I have gobs of messages on my Flickr account. And apparently this means that I have been receiving correspondence via Flickr. Hello. Clueless over here. Which really should shock no one. NO ONE. And here I thought Flickr was all about purty pictures. (And free image hosting.) So if you're one of the gobs of people who have left me messages or made comments on images, I did not intentionally ignore you. I save that for my friends and family. How apropos is this week's theme, eh?
Thursday, May 18, 2006
So today I was in Walmart. Let me just preface this by stating that I avoid Walmart like the plague. I avoid Walmart like the Bird Flu. I avoid Walmart. I cringe and do a Hail Mary each time I pass a Walmart. It takes days if not weeks for me to recoup from Walmart trips. In my experience people use their carts as battering rams, block isleways and create a barricade as to where you have to trek eight isles out of your way just to escape. And most of the clientele have worse hygiene than I do when I've been sick for two weeks straight- Not that I've ever been sick for 2 weeks straight, but I certainly wouldn't decide on the 14th showerless day to go shopping for bandaids, Preparation H, and Q-tips. But today it was unavoidable. I needed stuff and where else can I purchase turquoise towels and mats, self tanning lotion, purty nightgown (Summery! AKA can sweat in during hot summer months and throw away 3 months later), a birthday gift for a 9 year old, and lightweight yet oversized disposable sunglasses that are 1) cheap 2) You can abuse 3) Doesn't matter if you lose 4) Can back drive over them and not expect to cash in on that "lifetime warranty" 5) Are so cheap and lightweight that you highly suspect aren't even made of plastic, but something even lighter and cheaper than plastic (Air molecules? Water?) AND don't give you headache because they weigh a flippin' ton and/or pinch your temples . . . in less than a half an hour ALL in one place on the way to an appointment? Target you might say, but hello. Welcome to life in the country. We gots ourselves a Walmart, but no fancy schmancy Targets. City folk. Ha!

I went during the day. Incognito (with a small 8 lb dog in a leopard print backpack strapped to my back and the biggest damn messenger bag on the planet. But one must LUVRE this bag because it's big enough to smuggle carry small children and receive TONS of compliments.) But other than the small dog and giant messanger bag, I was like camouflage. I was a top secret agent on a mission. So I'm standing in line . . . Oh a good half an hour with only two women ahead of me- Because obviously they KNOW a good deal when they see one. Anyway. I am standing. Standing in line. LaTeeDa. Looking at convenience items. Browsing magazine covers, etc. When the woman in line behind me decides to stand next to me. STANDS NEXT TO ME. I am now BOXED IN. I am wedged between the isle and a small woman who has abandoned her cart to stand ALONG SIDE ME. Do I need to draw a diagram here? The woman was in my bubble! IN MY BUBBLE. Typically I'm the type that would say something like, "Ma'am would you step the fuck out of my bubble?", or "Will you be my new best friend?" But no! We don't anger the Walmart people. They are unstable and known to be dangerous. Who else would venture out in public braless and in tight ripped t-shirts and bicycle shorts? And I'm not completely convinced she was human. She was half my height and facing me. Bold-like and in flip flops. (Walmart Fairy? Troll? Angel of Mercy? Ghost of Walmart Past?) And ya'll. She breathed on me. To show her disgust for one of the tabloid headlines, she sighed. Heavily. She sighed so close and so heavily that I felt the wind and warmth of her breath and possibly saliva spit on my hand. ON MY HAND. I use that hand. I may have to burn and destroy that hand.

I'm going to miss my right hand. It was a good hand.
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
Couple of things I do not recommend. And I'm just saying.

1. Get stomach flu for gazillionth time this year.
2. Get stomach flu over Mother's Day weekend.
3. Get stomach flu when it is sunny and lovely in an otherwise unsunny and unlovely region (Seattle)

Okay. So, that's three to help get you started. There's going to be a test so study the above three carefully.
Friday, May 12, 2006
Illustration Friday "ANGELS AND DEVILS"
Angel and Devil

Hurray for me! I did it! I created something for this week's Illustration Friday theme of "Angels and Devils"! I am vr vr proud of myself. (How easily amused am I?)
Monday, May 08, 2006
Dr. Phil & the Diva
damn straight

Like this is a BAD thing?

Some people look to the bible for guidance. Some people their parents or friends. My sister looks to Oprah and Dr. Phil. She's the one that gave me this daily calendar that goes for days without me ripping off the pages. I do speed read them when I tear them out. Does that count? Have I learned anything? Yeah. That I am receiving a daily allotment of positive reinforcement that I am a terrible parent. Did you know that just the other day I fed my kids homemade spaghetti with real meat and real Parmesan Cheese and NO vegetable (other than the tomato sauce)? Somebody call DHHS. STAT. Because EVERYBODY KNOWS that complex carbohydrates turn to sugar, which leads to obesity, which leads to diabetes. Duh.

Today I am pissy, pissy, pissy. You don't want to be around me so you really should shoo. Shoo! Flee! Well, okay then. If you're going to hang around and listen to me bitch and moan, then consider yourself warned.

Illustration Friday
's theme is "FAT". The only thing I can think to offer is of is very un-PC. So yet another week goes by and I have nothing to offer. I suck. Like that one week of "robot". Got nuthin. Suckity.

And then (this one time in band camp) I find out that my banner for this year that was so "terrific" and "sooooo fantastic" is in the most obscure, least traveled roads in ALL of Stanwood and Camano- In front of my most HATED AND DREADED restaurant. So disliked that I received a gift certificate to this restaurant and gave it away. How is that for ironic, Alanis? So, after throwing a minor tissyfit like only I can do (I am from SoCal) I am having my banner moved. The only available place? In front of a mother effin' QFC.

I am spoiled and horrible. I am so vr vr completely aware of this. But in my defense, I was one of the top banner sellers last year. My banner was featured on the CAA website and I'm not even a member of the CAA. AND, I was basically promised that my banner would be in the very most coveted spot.

Pissy, pissy me. Now shoo! Before I completely convince you of how divaish I really am.

PS A special DAMN YOU to Jane magazine for giving me too much information which I really need to research. Such as cool music, great clothes, good books and more. I really expect fluff in a magazine, not crap to keep my mind working. And then there's the super polls and contests. Thanks JANE. How in the HELL am I ever going to get anyting done, let alone watch the HOURS of tivo stored before my beloved tivo cuts me off? FYI, JANE. I haven't watched my Tivo in WEEKS, JANE. WEEKS. Unless of course it is some half hour show like Entourage, which ironically (Alanis!) I initially hated.

PSS and a super DEE duper DAMN YOU to Jon Bon Jovi because I hate your hair cut more and more every day. Especially on a woman. Who doesn't live in New Jersey. You and your hair can just . . . Just . . . effity eff off!
Thursday, May 04, 2006
Lookie Here
I totally lied. Again. I have created some art in the last few weeks. It's been so chaotic that I actually forgot. How somebody could forget that they actually sat down, created a sketch and then digitally worked on something for hours is beyond me. But since we're talking about me . . . I guess it makes sense. So. This lovely lady was created for a client. Isn't she purty? I think I might add her to the Pop Art section of my website.

Desert Diva