|I realize now it has been almost a year since I have posted in this ancient blog. Seeing the stats and realizing people are still seeing it is amazing. In fact, when you google Art by Shano, my blog comes up first. Embarrassing. I want my art to come up first naturally, not for people googling me to see what I was saying and feeling YEARS ago.
So, let me proceed.
I went through a divorce in 2010? (It was drawn out separation. Whatever) It was the emotionally most crippling thing that has ever happened to me. Just in case you're wondering if you should get a divorce and are kinda on the fence and also have kids, and just "aren't happy" . . . Don't do it. Boredom will pass. That excitement you want to feel with your spouse and just isn't there- make it fucking happen. You two are best friends and still have active dialog? Suck it up Buttercup. Marriage gets fucking boring and that's the best thing that can happen to you. I promise. Want excitement? Talk to your single friends or have a girls night out. I did. It was awesome and I still had an amazing husband. My ex-husband will always be the love of my life. My current boyfriend of more than 2 years knows this and is not threatened by this, but accepts it as it is. I've moved on from my ex-husband 100%. It really, really didn't work no matter how hard we tried, and we tried SO very hard for 18 years. Marriage counseling for most of this time . . . the whole nine yards. You can't fix broken.
So during our separation I was a complete blob of jelly that did the menial of tasks. I woke up in the middle of the night with anxiety attacks and my chest in a fist of rage with fear of the unknown. I am a person that HATES change and loves making a little happy nest I call home. Sleep has always been my medic, my time to go to my Happy Place where wonderful things happened in wonderful places. I have always loved sleeping SO much because my dreams were just as real and memorable as my real life, only I simply "visited" there. Even before John and I married, our friends made fun of how much we slept and our love of sleeping in. I suppose that 2 artists living under the same roof would have the same habits. We slept as much as we loved.
Artists are . . . unique. It takes a lot of patience with an artist. I am impatient and demanding and definitely fit under every stereotype of feminine. I love animals to the point where I have to cut myself off, even though I should have done it by half the animals on my ranch now. I am outgoing, friendly, controlling and emotional but stable, yet hard to get to know on a personal level. I used to have a few best friends, but since the divorce I lost them all which is so hard for me because I'm a girl's girl. They always say in a divorce, "the people you think will be there for you won't be, and the people you least expect will". Sadly fucking true. Although I have been burned, I love, love, love people in general and am so intrigued with everyone that I meet. And I know that the girls that were best friend with me in my previous life will ALWAYS be my girls. If ever needed, I would in no way hesitate to knock on the doors of Becky, Liz, Erin, Jen, Deb & Bekka, and especially Ramona and know that I would be greeted with nothing but love. You guys will always hold a special place in my heart and I love you dearly.
So on with the new!
I keeping true to my midnight rule that I cannot post after midnight. And to reflect back at my 18 year old self and having a 1 o'clock curfew, yeah. Shit gets real after midnight. Bad decisions are after midnight's bitch.
Part 2 SOONish. (But I'm good. That's why I wanted you to see this.) There is a happy ending . . . So far. Life is a motherfucking beautiful journey.
Drunk as fuck. Curse you Monday Football and Seahawks (ultimate fan here!) Will edit tomorrow. Peace out mothafuckas. (I'm apparently gansta in my over a certain age drunkness. Da fuq?) No. Now it's just full blown Tourette's syndrome.