Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Pop Culture and the Flu
| I'm crawling out from under my rock to let you know that I am alive. First, it started with my insane notion that I must say "yes" to every volunteer opportunity to come along. Let me just say that volunteering has sucked the life out of me. Dry. Yes, it's very rewarding- giving back to the community, helping the children, yeah yeah. But I like to do nice things for myself so much more. I'm one selfish beeyotch in that regard. Now if they'd just promise me sparkly things or dangle shiny objects in front of my nose, we'd have a much better deal. Oh, and then I got sick. This weird illness that made me feel weak and faint. I couldn't go out in public. How embarrassing would that be to pass out in a grocery store or something? So, doctor says to rest . . . Nothing to worry about . . . But chained to the couch I have been. I've always been so crazy busy that the thought of being segregated to a 4' green pile of cushions has always seemed heavenly. Until you actually have to do it. And here's why. I was forced to endure that gawd awful Grease reality show. Painful. Hideous. One. It's sunny in Seattle for the first time since . . . Oh. August 2006? Two. I had FINALLY lost that extra five pounds I have working to lose. Sitting on the couch and no exercise? Not good for maintenance. (No, Kegles don't count.) An effective, no-exercise way I've found of weight loss is to eat Tyson Buffalo Chicken Strips for breakfast. So much better than the usual battery acid protein shake. Yeah. I don't know what I'm thinking sometimes either. Three. One good thing though is that I am getting caught up on pop culture. (See above comment on the whole "Grease" thing.) I also fancy myself somewhat of a cultural critic. Have ya'll read the magazine, "W"? Oh man. You are in for SUCH a treat if you haven't. So read along with me if you have a current February 2007 copy of the mag- If not, I'll supply the Cliff Notes. So I like to give out awards to "W" magazine. The first award being presented: Best use of Black or Navy Blue Quilt Batting as a Dress Award: Piazza Sempoine!!! (the crowd goes wild with excitement) Oh man. I wish you could see it . . . Unfortunately no photos of such dress on the Internet exists yet. The general population is just not ready. How about you feast your eyes of this little number in the meantime? Piazza. Genius. Best Pedophile Imagery Award goes to: Marc Jacobs!! (Yay!!!! Unfortunately, this is not Marc's First Award for this category)  Best Sex with a Mannequin While Others Watch/Or How Much Do They Pay Models Nowadays award goes to: Dolce and Gabbana!! (Oooh. Ahhh.) Best Rape and/or Bondage Scene Award goes to: Dolce and Gabbana!! (AAAAhhh. Ooooh!) Best Roman Catholic/Mourning Woman/Nude and Some Bald Dudes Award goes to: Dolce and Gabbana!! (The crowd is ecstatic!!) Best in "I Wanna See a Little Bit More, but Not Really- Like a Car Wreck" Award goes to . . . Dolce and Gabbana!! (Pandemonium! Hysteria! Crowd goes wild!) Best in Nudes Who Cover Just Their Naughty Bits and/or One Breast is Considerably Larger Than the Other but At Least They're Real Award goes to: DOLCE AND GABBANA!!! (Riot nearly occurring) Award for advertiser "Who Can Make Giselle Look Sweaty, Stinky, and Metallic Shiny" Award goes to: Roberto Cavalli! (Crowd quiets down) Overall WTF and the World is Going to Hell in a Handbasket Award goes to . . . Dolce and Gabbana!!! Nobody does simulated Futurist Burbank porn in hair foils like you do! Brilliant, I tell you! Brilliant!! Okay. Okay. Calm down. I also do music reviews. Best Vanilla Version of Beyonce Knowles Award goes to . . . Katherine McPhee!!! (Yay! Vanilla!) Good Lord. What is the world coming to? Or is it just me and being restrained to the sofa for a few days? Is it wrong to expect more of reality television, fashion magazines (albeit for the sexually latent female whose libido has to be electrocuted into uber-consciousness), and pop music? Oh Katherine. Why? Did no one tell you that you were white? Well, girl. You are. And as far as sharing my art with ya'll and what I have been working on. Well, I don't want to overwhelm your retinas nor your subconscious. You've had enough for one day. Word. What 10:30 pm looks like on a Wednesday from where I type. Penguins PJ's (bringing sexy back) and Collies.  Oh! And before I forget!! Having a HUGE studio sale. Check it out! Ends Tuesday, February 6. Happens once every few years. Paintings being sold in quantities of 2 or more! Hurray! |
