Sick and Tired
|I have been sick with the flu. At least I think it's the flu. A bird flew into my window today and knocked itself unconscious. (Not even a clean one. Window. Not a clean window. The bird seemed quite tidy.) Perhaps the Asian Bird Flu has reached our small island. This is the only explanation I can come up with for a tiny bird slamming into a perfectly dirty- non-see-thru-able sliding glass door. |
I was once sick like this before. Long ago. Down for a day. Tired. Up the next day. Sick for two more days. When I had mono. Mononucleosis. I had Mono for months . . . Which by the way, I did not acquire in a fun matter that involved kissing, making out, or even drinking fountains. No. I had to get mono from my sister. (Ew. Get your minds OUT of the gutter.) Even better. We were in high school or college or something- definitely underage. And drunk. And in Mexico. (EW. NO. GET YOUR MINDS OUT OF THE GUTTER.) She bit me and thus gave me Mono. (Okay. If I have to say get your minds out of the gutter one more time, I swear! Don't make me come back there!) We actually got into an argument while driving home from a Mexican bar. She didn't like what I was saying and bit me. On my hand. I still have the scar if you want to see it. So anyway. She transmitted mono via bite wound and I contracted her contagious disease, which undoubtedly she obtained in a much more traditional and "fun" manner. But, no grudges. I still blackmail her and live quite comfortably to this day.
But I digress. This was years and years ago and now I am sick and tired like when I had mono. But I don't have mono. I have the Asian Bird Flu, I think. Only I'm not a bird and don't know any Asian birds. Only little sparrows infected with stupidity who fly rabidly into my dirty sliding glass door and give me some strange disease in return for rescuing them from my three lazy cats who can barely lift their fat asses to make it to the litter box. But hey. Who are they to turn down a free meal when it literally comes flying onto their plate?
Weirder things have happened to me. I am a walking David Lynch movie in a Quentin Tarantino way. Really. Who else would have birds diving into dirty windows and into the clutches of over-fed fat (and lazy!) cats, and get mono via a bite wound from their sister? Yeah. I didn't think so.
(I would like to add to the record that I have had "the flu" for over a week now and the bird just flew into my window today. Now how weird is THAT?! Coincidence? I think not.)