Dr. Phil & the Diva
Like this is a BAD thing?
Some people look to the bible for guidance. Some people their parents or friends. My sister looks to Oprah and Dr. Phil. She's the one that gave me this daily calendar that goes for days without me ripping off the pages. I do speed read them when I tear them out. Does that count? Have I learned anything? Yeah. That I am receiving a daily allotment of positive reinforcement that I am a terrible parent. Did you know that just the other day I fed my kids homemade spaghetti with real meat and real Parmesan Cheese and NO vegetable (other than the tomato sauce)? Somebody call DHHS. STAT. Because EVERYBODY KNOWS that complex carbohydrates turn to sugar, which leads to obesity, which leads to diabetes. Duh.
Today I am pissy, pissy, pissy. You don't want to be around me so you really should shoo. Shoo! Flee! Well, okay then. If you're going to hang around and listen to me bitch and moan, then consider yourself warned.
Illustration Friday's theme is "FAT". The only thing I can think to offer is of is very un-PC. So yet another week goes by and I have nothing to offer. I suck. Like that one week of "robot". Got nuthin. Suckity.
And then (this one time in band camp) I find out that my banner for this year that was so "terrific" and "sooooo fantastic" is in the most obscure, least traveled roads in ALL of Stanwood and Camano- In front of my most HATED AND DREADED restaurant. So disliked that I received a gift certificate to this restaurant and gave it away. How is that for ironic, Alanis? So, after throwing a minor tissyfit like only I can do (I am from SoCal) I am having my banner moved. The only available place? In front of a mother effin' QFC.
I am spoiled and horrible. I am so vr vr completely aware of this. But in my defense, I was one of the top banner sellers last year. My banner was featured on the CAA website and I'm not even a member of the CAA. AND, I was basically promised that my banner would be in the very most coveted spot.
Pissy, pissy me. Now shoo! Before I completely convince you of how divaish I really am.
PS A special DAMN YOU to Jane magazine for giving me too much information which I really need to research. Such as cool music, great clothes, good books and more. I really expect fluff in a magazine, not crap to keep my mind working. And then there's the super polls and contests. Thanks JANE. How in the HELL am I ever going to get anyting done, let alone watch the HOURS of tivo stored before my beloved tivo cuts me off? FYI, JANE. I haven't watched my Tivo in WEEKS, JANE. WEEKS. Unless of course it is some half hour show like Entourage, which ironically (Alanis!) I initially hated.
PSS and a super DEE duper DAMN YOU to Jon Bon Jovi because I hate your hair cut more and more every day. Especially on a woman. Who doesn't live in New Jersey. You and your hair can just . . . Just . . . effity eff off!